First, from the BBC: a headline from the 17th century?  

Sure might’ve been, but they didn’t exactly post things on the internet back then.  Nope, this is a headline from today, 2009.  I still can’t quite get over it.  Kind of makes all those pirate jokes whose punch line is something that rhymes with “yarrrr” seem kind of insensitive.  

Next, I’m not usually much of a youtuber, but this is actually really worth a watch: 

I first read the article on the BBC and then checked it out – now with over 8 million hits and counting, this woman, Susan Boyle, is both fascinating and inspiring… watching the looks on everyone’s faces change from bemusement to shock to awe is totally entertaining, and even Simon Cowell, like, smiled and said nice things.  I don’t watch American Idol, but I know enough about the world to know that that’s rare.  

Next, on a totally different note, LVC, the volunteer program I did last year, came up in an article in USA Today!  But not just any article… 

… an article written by our very own first lady Michelle Obama.  Now that’s pretty cool.  

And finally, from the BBC, the most eye-catching, no-that’s-not-a-joke headline I’ve seen in a long time: 

Apparently, the 13 foot long python actually dragged the man up a tree, which we apparently didn’t really know snakes could do.  The man smothered the snake’s face with his t-shirt, and, as you probably guessed from the title, bit it.  The whole thing lasted three hours.  Yikes!  

Ok, that’s all you need to know about what’s going on in the world today.  Oh, and pay your taxes.  Unless you’re Timothy Geithner, of course.

… Iowa becomes today the third state in the union to overturn the ban on gay marriage, and for that reason, all of Iowa is receiving this week’s coveted Gold Star. 

Perhaps you never thought of Iowa as particularly cutting edge.  Well, think again.  Despite the stereotypes about cornfields and only cornfields, Iowans have always seen themselves as ahead of the curve: As Iowa goes, so goes the nation, they say, right?  They were right on Obama a year ago, and hopefully they’re right on this too.  From the ruling, as quoted in the New York Times: 

“Since territorial times, Iowa has given meaning to this constitutional provision [of equality], striking blows to slavery and segregation, and recognizing women’s rights. The court found the issue of same-sex marriage comes to it with the same importance as the landmark cases of the past.”

Iowa now joins Connecticut and Massachusetts as the first states to uphold same sex marriage.  It is, as you can see, also the first state in the Midwest to do so.  Quoth one of the activists involved in the suit: 

“We are blessed to live in Iowa.” 

Indeed.  A big fan of wide open spaces and corn fields and friendly people myself, I’ve always felt this way.  And today Iowa has done me proud once again.  Pay attention, other states!  Iowa is makin’ moves. 

First, from the BBC: 

Sometimes, people are stupid.  Sometimes, really, really stupid.  Sometimes, that person is a beauty queen.   Apparently she went to Guantanamo as part of a goodwill trip to visit troops stationed around the world.  Apparently, when she was writing in her blog about it later, she forgot that Guantanamo is a detention center where the US holds suspected terrorists and tortures them without charging them (not that that would make the torture ok), and wrote the following: 

Yeah, she really said that. You know, if she’s serious about not wanting to leave, she could always plot or participate in a terrorist attack of some kind.  Geesh.

Next, from Chicagoist: 

Swarovski crystals on his tank top and everything, and we totally missed it.  I don’t know what we were doing yesterday that was more important than sweatin’ to the oldies at Union Station.  Dang.  Note to self: get on that mailing list!  No way we’re going to miss it next time!  ;-) 

And, finally, from the Chicago Examiner: 

A review of the cafe where I work, one of 13 of its kind in Chicago.  The review is favorable overall and accurate enough, if not a little over-dramatic (ha, I’m reviewing their review), and most important was the following line: 

That’s right, young and hip.  Write it down: Shana. Is. Hip. 

So that’s really all you need to know about the world for right now.  If anything else important ever comes up, you can count on us to let you know.  Maybe.

Editor’s note: none of these stories are April Fool’s jokes.  Not even the last one.